Bucket lists

We've had quite a week. It all defies expression if I am honest, but I will try to put words around it, otherwise why blog?

On Thursday Reggie and I rode out with Charlotte and Monty. Charlotte wanted to see bluebells and plan as we might there was no way to fit Monty and Reggie into any legal form of transport. So, we met at Urchinwood, ploughed up the bridle path and went to see the bluebells on Wrington Hill.

It made a memory.

I came late to riding and Marly and me were a liability. Charlotte never ever blinked. Probably 1/3 my age, the woman has a wisdom beyond my years. Whether it was Marly acting potty or Mila running off, Charlotte did nothing but place confidence in us. When she first asked me to hack out I assumed she was either mad or out of the loop and had no idea how lacking in talent I am. Whatever she thought (I still don't know) she gave me nothing but her absolute confidence. Three years on she continues to do the same.

The bluebells were on Charlottes bucket list. We smashed it. We spent ages up there on the hill spinning in a blue universe. When we were all bluebelled out we made our way down. Monty was sore. We went slowly because Monty's aches were aching, so we all went at Monty speed. I hurt for the beautiful ex racer as he gently placed each of his limbs, I ached for Charlotte's quiet as she tussled with the implications. I loved Reggie as he heard and totally respected my request to take it steady and let Monty set our collective pace. He gave his all to resisting the temptation to let gravity help him home. He placed each limb carefully and gently, one after the other. "It's Ok Monty, we are all with you"... and we were, wholly and heartfully.

Love you Monty. You've taken care of me as I grew and have met all three of my friends with nothing but kindness.

Charlotte, Monty and Blue Bells.

Yesterday Lauren and Pike took us round the block. I am never complacent about that. It took us four years to get there. Neither Lauren or I take those joint journeys for granted. The stars have to line up to allow it. I think we are on ride 3 in 4 years. We had a ball.

This morning I got up at the crack of dawn. Penny had offered to meet me in the Mendips and every ounce of me was excited. Reggie and I were in the car park by 7.30 am and Penny, Reggie and I were walking by 8am. 

I don't know how many times Penny has told me that she walked with Indie in these hills, I never heard her properly. I never really understood. They did so much more than walk. A short discussion between Penny and Reggie in the car park led me to think that walking was better than getting on. So.... Penny, Reggie and I wandered for two hours. There were many miracles. The boy pretends to hate water. Penny told him .... "No you don't". 

Whatever and whatever...... two hours later and the boy was walking with me in an unfamiliar place with nothing but absolute trust and kindness, He swept through many grass buffets and did nothing but say hello to a very stressed "on board" equestrian shortly before we made it home. 

He loaded both ends with no more than a "come on mate"........ despite the fact the lorry is a sauna. 

You know that question that horse people ask each other a lot.... "what are you going to do with him?". 

Well, today the answer is " I am gonna ask him to follow me round the Mendips because when he does it IS MY well being.

Such a stand out beautiful day. It will stay with me......... but only forever..........

Thank you Reggie and thank you Penny, Charlotte, Monty, Lauren and Pike. Much love. x

Contemplation - week 7

It's hard to believe it was only 7 weeks ago that Reggie came to walk beside me. His illness vaulted us into a time machine. We've lived a lifetime in a short space, scrabbling, willing him to get well and abandoning all aspirations and expectations to the alter of recovery. "Just get better and that will do, l'll be happy with that".

I am the one doing nearly all the learning. He's calling me to up my game. I appear in his field, he comes to meet me and escorts me back to the gate. "It's OK human, you don't need to strap my head up, I am coming by choice". "It's OK human. This is the indoor school? I've got this, I am not scared, what do you want me to do?".

The two weeks he's been home from hospital I've met his willingness with abject incredulity. I have read and read and read, trying to match his understanding and generosity with understanding and generosity. His is innate. I am learning manually, but I am learning slowly through his teaching and others who are helping. "Captain my Captain".

Today I arrived at the Yard and skipped to the field to find him. We were supposed to be hacking out with Karen. I learned fairly quickly that he had deposited a shoe somewhere in a mahoosive field. Without it we were confined to barracks and all the "jobs" I've been meaning to do instead of hacking suddenly put their hand up and demanded attention.

He needed a bath. That is different to wanting one. He didn't want a bath. He got a bath.

I am supposed to be doing regular ground work, but much like when I am riding my skills are raw and my communication indecipherable. He has to extract meaning from a cacophony of uncoordinated non verbals. I thought I was good at non verbals. His ability to read mine, in contrast to my ability to read his, pauperise me. They leave me naked in a landscape I thought I could navigate and still he forgives me, takes what I can say and extracts sense from it for both of us.

As it happened Rachel was on the Yard today. She offered to help me bath him. The offer was so brilliantly delivered.... "I can hold him if it helps". She didn't hold him, she held me. She read him for me, translated and told me how to reply. She read me for him and told him what I was trying to say. She was so unassuming and so talented.

His relief at having a translator was palpable. We maybe worked with him for an hour.  I say we.... Rachel did and I watched on a little awestruck but not quite knowing what to attach my awe to.

Reggie fell in love with Rachel. I don't think that's surprising. We all need to be heard and understood. Each time he spoke and she heard, or she spoke and he did, he relaxed a little. After an hour the "big man" looked as though he'd been administered a sedative.

I kept on jabbering in human talk. He didn't mind although he did ask me to excuse him for a moment as he wrapped his huge rubbery lips around Rachels chin and chomped in a way totally reminiscent of youthful snogging behind the bike sheds before either one of the participants know what they are doing . Rachel lent him her chin. She needed a bath towel to mop up the aftermath.

I called today's post contemplation.  I drove home today in a bubble. I realised that having a translator had not only moved Reggie to the equivalent of sedation, it seismically shifted me and my understanding.

I think we should all throw our shoes away occasionally, just for the sheer joy of it.